


Smilin' and Shinin' and Counting until Dionne's Done

by zvi



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-23
Updated: 2007-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-01 23:18:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zvi/pseuds/zvi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark helps out Derek's lonely, battered heart. Not in a gay way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smilin' and Shinin' and Counting until Dionne's Done

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Joanne_c](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joanne_c/gifts).



> To Joanne C. for the Doc Santa secret santa. Original request was "Slash or gen story exploring the relationship (romantic or friendship) of Derek Shepard and Mark Sloan. Plot preferred over sex if it is slash, please, though it's great to include sex."

Derek heard laughter over his head. That meant Meredith and Yang had just watched Rose throw coffee on him. He was sure that getting dumped could be more publicly humiliating, but he didn't know how.

Then he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around.

"So, I have tickets to a Sonics game tonight," said Mark.

"Really?" said Derek. He took in a deep breath and let it out. "And you didn't have plans for the second ticket already?"

"It might be more accurate to say that I have the cash to scalp a couple of Sonics tickets. In the interest of distracting you from the existence of women." Mark slung an arm around Derek's shoulder and pulled him away from the coffee cart.

"For someone who considers himself my best friend, even more, for someone whom I frequently consider my best friend, I find it peculiar that you cannot be convinced that I do not enjoy the sight of professional sporting events, most particularly the sport of basketball." Derek pulled at his scrubs, trying to keep the worst of the coffee wetness off of his torso. He wondered just how badly people would think of him if he removed his shirt right now instead of waiting to get to a shower room.

Mark did that half-chuckle thing he did when he was laughing at himself. "Because _Addy_ liked professional sports, especially basketball. So, I would ask you both, and you would go and have a good time once you were there, but I think you were watching the crowd and enjoying overpriced hotdogs and beer."

Derek nodded, because what Mark had said was true. "So, since Addison is not here and reminders of Addison's former centrality to my life are not what I need to take my mind off women…?"

"We could go to a gay bar and be hit on by attractive young things and turn them down," said Mark.

Derek stopped and pulled away, not so much in gay panic as to look at Mark and make sure it was the same guy who had been his best friend for twenty years. "Mark, I am not gay. And I don't think you are bisexual. Or gay. Although, if you have homosexual feelings to talk about, that would probably distract me from women."

Mark nodded. "That's the point. You won't be tempted to sleep with anyone just to feel better for a moment, because they're all men. But wildly attractive people hitting on you makes you—makes me feel better—even if I would never sleep with them." Then Mark frowned. "I don't know if it'll work if there's two of us, though. They might think we're together."

"If we went to a regular bar, no one would be confused on that point." Derek couldn't quite believe he was actually having this conversation, but since he was not going to go to a gay bar, and probably not to a regular bar, he didn't think it did any harm.

"Yeah, but there's the chance that an incredibly beautiful woman might convince you to reconsider the existence of women. And then I would have completely failed to make you forget them." Mark looked at Derek's chest. "Isn't that gross? Shouldn't we keep heading to the locker room?"

Derek raised an eyebrow and said, "Yeah, well you're trying to take me to gay bars all of a sudden. I don't know if I'm _comfortable_ with—."

"Shut up, Derek." Mark rolled his eyes. "I'm not gay, I'm not bi, and I'm not hitting on you. All of which you know."

"Yes, it's true, I do know that. But I also know that I don't want to go to the game and I don't want to go to the bar."

"You do want to change that shirt," said Mark and he started walking towards the locker room again.

Derek followed. "That's true."

Mark didn't look back, but he did hesitate just long for Derek to catch up. "So, here's the thing." He rubbed one hand behind his ear. "I don't really remember how to do this."

"Do this?" said Derek.

"Well, the last chick who dumped you before Addy was Catherine. That was, like, fifteen years ago, and I don't remember what we did, which makes me think we got really wasted to get you over her. But when you dumped Addison and then she dumped you, I couldn't help you out for obvious reasons."

"Obviously," said Derek.

Mark rolled his eyes. "Obviously. And when you and Meredith broke up, the two of you just kept doing each other right up until you hooked up with Rose, so I didn't think you needed manly comforting."

"Not so much, no," Derek agreed.

"So, I'm not entirely sure how to help you out, now that you've been dumped and we're friends and you're not having sex." He looked at Derek with narrowed eyes. "And this is not some weird elaborate way of suggesting I give you a blowjob, if you have any doubts about the gay thing still."

Derek bit his lip and didn't laugh. "None whatsoever." He pushed open the door of the locker room. "Um, I actually don't need a showerbuddy. I mean, if you actually want to shower and change that's one thing, but…," he shrugged.

Mark shook his head. "No, it would probably be pretty weird now. I'm just going to change out of scrubs, and then," he shrugged. "Hell, maybe I'll go ask Yang."

"Cristina Yang?"

"Well, Meredith did all right with her after Burke, and she seemed to keep Meredith going after you and Rose…," Mark made the world's most ambiguous head bob.

"Mark, there's a couple of things you've failed to consider." Derek crossed his arms and gave his best friend a stern look.

"Yeah?"

"One: Meredith got Cristina over Burke by going on Cristina's honeymoon and sleeping with her. As far as I know, it was platonic, but still. We're not doing that. Two: Cristina got Meredith over me by mockery and subtle insubordination. I was lucky that Bailey was on my side this time, or my life would have been hell. Three: Meredith and Cristina are women, and part of that incestuous group of residents the whole hospital watches like a soap opera, and I'd rather not have my manhood called into question by going to them for advice."

"That's not a couple," said Mark, laughing.

"What?"

"That's not a couple," Mark repeated. "You just listed three things, which is not two, which is what a couple is." He pushed Derek into the locker room and followed him in. "Go get in the shower."

"What?" Derek stopped and turned around, gave him a blank stare.

"Go get in the shower. I need time to think of something, since you've shot down all of my suggestions and I can't get advice from Yang." Then he cocked his head a little bit sideways and said, "You're still living in a crappy trailer right?"

"It's a very nice trailer, thank you very much."

"If it's a trailer, it is, by definition, cramped and exposed to the elements. Thus, crappy." Mark held up one silencing finger as Derek's mouth opened. "Not the point!" He waited until Derek's mouth closed before continuing on. "The point is, you could use a couple of days in a nice hotel, with room to stretch out and free HBO and a restaurant that serves something you didn't have to catch and clean yourself."

Derek smiled. "You're not going to pay for that, are you?"

Mark snorted. "God, no. You make ungodly sums of money and you live in a trailer. You can afford six hundred dollars to get over a broken heart. But I will be buying the booze. And dinner."

Derek shook his head, grin wider than ever. "We got totally wasted to get me over Cathy."

"I knew it!" said Mark. "I knew that kind of memory loss meant mood-altering substances."

"Yeah, well, this time, go for quality over quantity, Mark. I don't want a hangover, but I do want to pretend I know how to appreciate fine aged whiskey." And he was back to biting his lip not to laugh.

Mark grinned back, showing pretty much all his teeth. "Can do."


End file.
